Friday, January 26, 2007

Ballroom Blitz

Footballs, baseballs, golf balls...testicles. Men love their balls.

Last night I played in an online poker tournament and was seated next to a guy named "Oneball". (Yeah, that didn't really click with me at first.) I'm playing against him in a hand, I have nothing after the flop but two over cards. He only bets 30 chips into a pot of 500, so I call. I end up drawing two pairs on the two remaining cards and win the pot. Let the whining begin.

If there's one thing I despise, it's poker whiners. Not only did this guy whine about how I shouldn't have called him, he whined about only having one ball. Soon enough, he has the empathy of every male at the poker table, which I do believe was everyone but me.

I don't like chatting in poker either and these people just wouldn't stop. After what seemed like a hundred questions to determine if everything still works (it does) and if he can still father children (he could), if his wife cared (she didn't) and if he was in pain (he wasn't), I thought the yapping would be over. Everything still works fine, what's the problem? I'll raise his lost ball with surgical menopause. One hot flash and he'd be wiped out for a week. Did I mention the pills I have to take every day are made out of the urine of a pregnant horse? Try and call that!

OneBall was worried about what other guys would think of him if he only had one ball. Do guys really think about other guys balls? Apparently, some must. The boys assured him that he was still a "man" with only one ball. Halleluia. Now can we play poker?

I ended up knocking OneBall out of the tournament with a check-raised flush. A nut flush. (How appropos!) Had him by the balls.....well, ball, anyway.

Lesson of the day: Do not irritate women in surgical menopause. They can get pretty testy :)


Hale McKay said...

It sounds like these on-line poker players must watch too much of the Texas Hold'em on TV. Since it is annoying on to watch grown men flex their testosterone and display their egos like a peacock, it must be more so in a game room.

A nice display of balls by you. You are the balls!

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

"I'll raise his lost ball with surgical menopause. One hot flash and he'd be wiped out for a week."

That's a great way of putting it - to him.

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