Last night I went to what was supposed to be a fun performance by the Fine Arts students at the Junior High School.
All of the students in band, music, drama and art display their talents in various forms and short performances throughout the school. Normally, this is a very cool thing, but this year, they decided to hold this event outside.
The kids were so unruly and rude that I’m wondering if they've ever been taught any manners at all. There really wasn’t enough room for the amount of people in that area and there was nowhere to put your lawn chair without having one leg on a rock causing you to tip over.
I went there anticipating enjoying some great music, but all I could do was feel the noise. The kids were Wild and Untamed Things. It was no quiet riot. It was a rocky horror show.
Today is Thursday Thirteen....and here’s mine....
1. When someone is performing, especially in a windy courtyard with an acoustic guitar, please don’t make noise. If I wanted to hear screaming, screeching teenagers, I would have stayed at home.
2. When the conductor stops the performance and asks you to be quiet, saying “sorry” and then giving her the finger behind her back is not acceptable.
3. The lawn is not a garbage can. Dammit, Janet, pick up your crap!
4. Pushing and shoving other children is bad. Pushing them into the performers is exceptionally bad.
5. Yelling “Hey, sweet thang” and gyrating your pelvis is not appropriate behavior for 7th graders. Make You A Man? Hardly.
6. Unless you are a teen of the 80’s and stuck in a Time Warp, “The F Word” really isn’t an adjective, you know. It’s a verb. If you incorrectly use it six times per sentence, it loses it’s ooomph when you really need it.
7. When you see someone trying to videotape their child’s performance, please do not jump in front of the camera and act like a baboon or any other animal.
8. Do not touch other people’s things without asking first. This includes my stuff.
9. The reason you are so cold is because you aren’t completely dressed. You are a child, not Dr. Frank-N-Furter. Cover up the boobs, butts and bellybuttons and put some clothes on.
10. HOT PATOOTIE! Before throwing a cup of red juice into a crowd with the intent of “only hitting one person”, learn some physics. Upon impact, the energy will disperse and you will have splatter. I was wearing my new capri pants! Bless My Soul.
11. Do not use physical force in an attempt to steal someone’s winning raffle ticket.
12. Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch-a Touch me! Ummmmm, hello junior hoochie mama, get your hand off my son’s ass! Until further notice, his theme song is “Keep Your Hands To Yourself”. Thank you very much.
13. And in the true spirit of Rocky Horror, please don’t talk with your mouth full, even if it is only popcorn. Not only is it gross, it’s dangerous. You could choke.
That’s all. I’m Going Home!