Saturday, March 8, 2008

Love Stinks

My new cat, Jovi Sambora, (that's not him, we're still waiting for Jovi's costume to arrive!) is one of the loves of my life. He is so soft and cuddly and every time I sit down, he jumps on my lap, purrs and kisses me right on the lips. He doesn’t know how to pucker so it’s not the greatest of kisses, but at least he doesn’t slip you the tongue like my equally demonstrative doggie, Book ‘Em, does.

I’m very popular around here.

I probably shouldn’t spill information like this. No one will ever want to kiss me again! It’s ok, my fear of the dentist makes me rush my teeth all the time. I’m good.

So, despite Jovi Sambora capturing my heart and being a great cuddle buddy, something about loving him stinks.

Get me a tissue, people. I’m having an issue.

I haven’t recently adopted the infamous Smelly Cat, friend of Phoebe Buffay. Jovi Sambora doesn’t stink, my issues lie with the shitterbox (oops!), litter box.

I have a highly trained nose and can sniff out shoplifters, psychopaths, dead things and shit, both literally and figuratively speaking.

You’d think I’d be immune after having four children in a four year span. I’ve changed more diapers than most people. Butt, (haha!) no. It only keened my senses.

I can’t stand the litter box! I clean it twice a day, but I can smell it the minute it’s used.

What’s The Rock Chick to do? Clothespin my nose? Shove cigarette butts up my nose like I used to when I visited the morgue during my Criminal Justice studies? (Hey, it works!) Vicks Vapo Rub also works and is arguably much more attractive, but if you’re of the penis endowed persuasion, be sure to wash your hands before going to the bathroom.

You’ll just have to trust me on that one.

The Rock Chick has decided that none of these are practical ideas, so I searched the internet for stinky shitterbox tips and I learned that you can train your cat to use the toilet! Some of them even flush when they’re done.

YouTube is loaded with videos of toilet trained cats and my hope is to be posting one of my own in the next couple of weeks. It takes very little to make me happy.

When I told the hubby, he laughed harder than when the crazy California guy came to visit and told us about 50 foot Santas, which actually turned out to be real.

Laugh it up all you want, JW, I say poop on you! I’m going to try and I know Jovi can do it!

No shit!


Sarah said...

The litter box is the precise reason I have been stern in not letting Damien get a kitty for the girls. If I thought I could pull off toilet training I might give it a go. However so far I am not making enormous progress on getting the 3 year old trained, nor have I ever been successful with our dog (who now sadly resides outside most of the time as a result), so I'm not sure getting a cat to go there would be a huge success. Good Luck!

Damien said...

Keep us updated!

The Freelance Guru said...

Cats are not supposed to use the toilets. It's people like cat toilet trainers like you that caused global warming.... Geeze..

The Rock Chick said...

Sarah: I sympathize. I thought for sure Middle Daughter would be the one to go to Kindergarten in diapers!

Damien: Oh, I will :)

Freelance: such cynicism ;) Actually, it was all my Aqua Net hairspray from the 80's that caused the global warming. I'm trying to make up for it now by not tossing cat litter and poop into the landfills :)

Crystal said...

That's one of the many, many reasons we will never own a cat (another one being NO animal is going to be walking and sitting on my table/counters *shudders*).

If toilet training doesn't work, how about those new litter boxes that clean and sanitize themselves?

JAM said...

That would be nifty if you are successful. I always thought it was neat for people to toilet train their cats.