Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Rags To Riches

In my previous post, I decided that I needed a new career. Ok, maybe not a career per se, but definitely a new job.

Despite my extensive search on various employment websites, it turns out that not only is Bon Jovi not hiring right now, there’s also not many available opportunities for a super snarky rock chick seeking serial killer sleuthing and/or soap opera writing positions.

Who da thunk?

My overactive imagination and I have worked hard and seriously honed the Nancy Drew skills. I even have a degree in Criminal Justice, people! Granted, it’s not from the best university in the country and I’ve been completely out of answering 911 calls and telling cops where to go for thirteen years, but what else am I supposed to do with it?

As it turns out, my dear readers, you need not worry any longer about The Rock Chick! That’s right! I checked my e-mail this evening and it turns out that I don’t ever need to work again because I am THE luckiest person on this planet. Throwing out that bad luck claddagh ring really worked!

First, I got an e-mail from The UK National Lottery Board. It seems having an e-mail address automatically generates lottery numbers and I hit all 6! YOWSA! All I have to do is give them my checking account number and they will deposit $1,000,000 in cash!

Unbelievably, winning the UK National Lottery automatically enters you into the Irish National Lottery. You know how lucky we Irish people are and..I can’t even believe this...but the very same numbers that won me the UK Lottery bonanza hit again to the tune of $2,808,000! Woo Hoo!! What are the chances? And all I have to do is give them my bank routing information!

Not only that, but I got an e-mail from royalty, too! Yes, from Princess Pauline. You’ve heard of her, right? Anyway, her father, The King (not Elvis), passed away and her mother is illiterate and can't count money! Unfortunately, in her nameless country, she can’t control his fortune because she is (gasp!) a girl. She has $200 MILLION dollars and if I give her my bank account information, she will give me 30%. That is $60,000,000!

Move over Paris and Angelina. You’re in my shot.

Perhaps the most touching of the e-mails that I received this evening came from Mrs. Lilian Moore of the Netherlands. She is a deaf and childless widow who is stricken with cancer and has only two months to left to live. Because of these troubles, she was forced to liquidate her $3.5 million dollar estate and because I am such a good Christian, she wants ME to have it. She wants more than my bank account information, she wants my social security number, too. You know, for tax and charity write-offs and I have to act fast, because, you know, she’ll be dead in two months.

I think The King (Elvis, not Pauline's father) might have sang it best...

Must I forever stay a beggar
Whose golden dreams will not come true?
Or will I go from rags to riches
By giving my bank account number to you?

Ok, I took a little creative liberty with that last line there.

Hmmmmmmmm...And I thought I had an overactive imagination :)

Who thinks of this stuff? Actually, I probably should wonder more about the people who fall for this stuff, right?


JAM said...

Hey, with that kind of money you can pay to have Goonan rubbed out, then you can just work part time to help out the family, Goonan free.

The Rock Chick said...

JAM: HEY! Now there's an idea! I have even less tolerance for him than I did before he got fired and rehired. If I do that, though, Mrs. Lilian Moore probably won't want to give me her $3.5 million. Hmmmm..it's a toss up!

Karina said...

Isn't Lilian Moore the name of a catalogue? Oh, no wait, that's Lilian Vernon right?

Anyway, I've read many articles on these email scams, but none have ever put it quite so creatively as you...I love it!

Kendra said...

criminal justice? the rock chick in criminal justice? that's a nice combo!

carrie said...

OMG I won the SAME lottos!!!!! How strange?!?!

Crystal said...

Hey, not fair! I thought they were sending all their money to ME.