Friday, October 12, 2007

Stuck In The Middle (Hysteria Lane)

I realized it’s been a while since I wrote an “Hysteria Lane” post about my neighbors. There’s a reason for this. I rarely see the Desperate Housewives anymore.

Gabrielle and Carlos divorced after Gabrielle’s affair with their son’s football coach. Gabi thought that Mr. Football was going to leave his family and they’d all live happily ever after with their future little linebackers and cheerleaders. Didn’t happen. Mr. Football dumped Gabi as soon as she and Carlos sold their home and she moved out. We’ve maintained our friendship with Carlos and Gabi, well, she has moved on to new miniskirted bar-hopping friends. That’s ok with me, because I never much cared for Gabrielle to begin with.

Now I’m hearing a similar story about Lynette and Tom across the street. I’ve always been close to Lynette and Tom and they have four children who are similar ages to mine and the hubby’s. We are godparents to each other’s children and while Lynette and I are very close, Tom and my hubby seem to have the strongest of the friendships.

Tom used to come over regularly and watch boxing or have a few beers, but in the last couple of months, he has been strangely absent.

I had a feeling something was up because I haven’t heard from either of them in over a month. Saturday was Lynette’s birthday, so I walked over there with her present. She recently started teaching pre-school, so I bought her a bunch of felt things you put on felt boards. Yes, I have kids and no, I don’t know anything about all that stuff. It’s irrelevant to my story, anyway.

I sat on the couch with Lynette and admired her new, rather extravagant, MacBook laptop that Tom surprised her with for her birthday. She didn’t seem that thrilled with it. I asked her why and didn’t expect the answer that I heard. She said she’s sure Tom bought it because he’s having an affair and he doesn’t want her in his laptop which she had previously been using until he “forgot the password”. She’s just suspicious, she doesn’t know for sure. My thinking is that if you are suspicious, you probably have reason to be.

Forgot the password to his work laptop that he uses every single day? LOL. Oh yeah, that’s a good one.

This would be Tom’s second offense, too. The first was about 7 years ago and believe me, I was waiting for the girl he was involved with to start boiling rabbits or something like in Fatal Attraction. That was really ugly.

Maybe I’m wrong there, I don’t know, but I think this time Tom isn’t going to get another chance to swing before he’s out.

Not all that shockingly because I’m sure Lynette told him that she told me her suspicions, shortly after our conversation, Tom came over to hang out and have a few beers.

Here’s my pickle... Do I say something? Do I hit him over the head with a frying pan? Do I pretend I don’t know even though he knows darn well that I do?

I figured if he wants to talk about it, he’ll bring it up. He’s been over almost every day and still hasn’t said anything, but then Lynette calls and wants to know everything he has said and if I’m on her side. Sides? I can’t pick sides. I love them both.

I am staying 100% completely stuck in the middle on this one.

You all know that I don’t condone this kind of thing at all. But there’s also the side of me that loves my friends and just because they may have succumbed to temptation, it certainly doesn’t make them bad people and doesn’t change my feelings about them at all.

It’s easy to be mad because of somebody’s poor judgment, but truth be told, I think the pain involved in affairs affects both spouses. It may not be the same kind of pain, but I don’t necessarily know that one is worse than the other. And..I’m pretty sure that both of them need someone objective to talk to.

Once again, this is a crazy time on Hysteria Lane. Now everyone knows why I routinely just stay in my house :) I’m really hoping everything works out without too much drama.


Pen and the Sword said...

That's a tough one, and I certainly don't envy your situation. But you are definitely taking the right approach in staying out of it the best you can considering how close you are to both of them.

Personally, I feel sorry for Lynette. Feeling distrust for someone you are married to is a horrible feeling. And being cheated on is even worse. I hope that she is just suspicious and that Tom isn't really cheating.

But then again... You know the old saying: Once a cheater always a cheater.

Well, in my experiences that rings true anyway.

The Rock Chick said...

Pen: well, I guess there must be some truth to this since he is now sleeping on my couch. He still hasn't said anything, though :(

Pen and the Sword said...

Wow. Maybe it's a good thing he hasn't said anything yet considering your closeness to both of them. I hope it all works out for everyone involved in the end.

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mom huebert said...

I understand the feeling. Hubby and I have a friend who had difficulties with his marriage. At some point, his wife moved out, and moved in with another couple, whom we are also good friends with. During the ensuing divorce proceedings, our friends ended up on HER side, while we ended up on HIS side. (does this make any sense?) The situation was a threatening one for our friendship, but fortunately our friends are willing to be friends in spite of our opposite views about that divorce. We just have to be careful to never bring it up.

Malcolm: said...

This is my introduction to your tales of Hysteria Lane. For you to stay right in the middle is a wise choice. Hopefully Tom won't be camped out on your couch for too long.

JAM said...

Yeah, I don't know what to say. If she has talked to you, but he has said nothing, what can you do?

The computer thing, he's either cheating or addicted to porn or something. That's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard for not letting someone on the computer you use every day.

But now that he's on the couch, and if he hasn't come clean to your husband, I'd certainly feel justified in asking, "Why exactly are you now sleeping on our couch?" Unless you don't really want to know.

That must be difficult. I've never experienced such a thing, but the splitees always want the friends to pick sides. Just try to keep from being dragged down by it all.

Good luck.

Di said...

Some friends and I recently had this conversation because of how badly a neighborhood drama, including an affair between neighbors was handled last year.

Some "friends" told the wife whose husband was supposedly having the affair without any real proof...just supposition...and worse yet, quoting the supposition of someone else AND naming her as the source! None of the cheating woman's friends talked to her about it. (She is one of my best friends, but I wasn't living here at the time and didn't know what was going on.

As we discussed it, I said to my friends (a married couple), "Well, if my husband was having an affair, wouldn't you tell me?" The husband said that if he heard about or knew that my husband was having an affair, he wold go to my husband and say, "Look man...this is what people are saying and if I'm hearing it, it's just a matter of time before your wife hears it. So, I'm not saying you should or you shouldn't or you have to tell me. I'm just warning you that this is what's going around."

And in retrospect, the friends of my cheating friend wished they had gone to her directly instead of sitting around discussing their suppositions.

You live and learn.

Shannon said...

So funny, we were just saying how UNLIKE Wysteria Lane our development is. And that may be fortunately, I suppose. :)
I will say, that no one told me when this girls, band guy husband was pulling an unfaithful and I ditched those friends. My best girl didn't tell me, she tracked him down, followed him, got proof and was then ready to tell me, but it came out on its own at the same time!!! But she had been following him, trying to catch him on her own or at least get a good enough clue where he was to bring me there and catch him in th act ourselves. LOL. Funny now, but not eight years ago when I was pregnant. His band mates knew and were so close to me as well, but told their spouses and significant others that it wasn't "their business". I agree with di's husbands friend (if thats how it was), about how he felt he would say something to the guy about not judging, but hey, your wife is going to hear this. And seriously, just don't cheat. If you want out, just go. It's much more respectful. Don't be a louse. I could have gotten past the cheating (as I repeatedly told him during the five years he tried to get me to take him back), it's the LYING I can't get past.