Thursday, October 4, 2007

Rock On With Your Bad Self (Thursday Thirteen #30)

Britney Spears used to rock. Now I think she uses rock and totally not the musical kind. I have no idea what is wrong with that girl, but after Courtney Love crawled out from under a rock to defend her, I have to get in on some of this.

How many warnings and chances did she totally blow off leading to what would be a rock bottom landing for most moms?

My usual snarky Rock Chick self is still not quite at 100% and since I’ve been unable to even come up with a Thursday Thirteen for a while, I have to thank one of my favorite rock stars, The Big BaHuna, for his assistance with today’s list.

Today is Thursday Thirteen....and here’s mine...


Thirteen THINGS THAT THE JUDGE MIGHT HAVE SAID TO BRITNEY SPEARS


1. Now I get it! Sean Preston and Jayden James are just modern versions of the names Billy Joe and Jim Bob.

2. Just because you CAN procreate, doesn't mean you HAVE to.

3. “Tan your behind” is an expression. I didn’t mean for you to go out and take it literally.

4. Can you please straighten out your hair? It appears to be on crooked.

5. Morphine laced lollipops do not qualify as junk food, Ms. Spears.

6. Oops you did it again, you went to the bar, wound up on the floor, oh baby, baby

7. I know you probably didn’t attend a regular school like most kids, but on drug and alcohol tests, you don’t want to get the highest score.

8. Sorry you misunderstood me. I meant “hi”, not “high”.

9. What movie role exactly were you rehearsing for with that umbrella incident? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Mary Poppins The Remake.

10. I said “CAR seat” not “BAR seat”.

11. Snakes, bongs and Paris Hilton are not proper play toys for toddlers.

12. Listen Missy, if I have to give your children to a wanna be rapper with a mustard stained wife-beater t-shirt and poor hygiene skills, what does that say about you?

13. And...young lady, underwear is never optional, you are not Sharon Stone.



35 comments:

Madame Rubies said...

I love the blog theme here. I need to figure out how to make my blogger look good.

This Eclectic Life said...

I wish I even knew who these girls were, so I would know what you are talking about! I know the names, but I don't read the tabloids! I go to the grocery store so early in the morning there are no lines, so I don't stand around reading magazines, and I SURE ain't gonna buy 'em! I'm so old...

Sarah said...

It is sad just how true #9 is. Since Britney actually surrendered her kids to K-Fed's body guard, when are they actually going to get a responsible parent? I mean she couldn't bother herself to be sober for her kids, and he can't even show up to claim them. Very sad.

Kathy said...

Hey, Jess! I haven't visited in a while, but you haven't lost any of your sarcastic wit in that time!
Great TT! You're always good for a chuckle!
Have a great weekend!

Vixen said...

Bwaa hahhahaha. Even if you needed help from Big, this is hysterical. Happy TT.
Vix

mom huebert said...

Ooh, ouch!

Open Grove Claudia said...

It's so sad. I've seen this over and over again - she's going to loose her kids.

Joyismygoal said...

I still wish she had a mom to love her back to life

Michelle said...

Numbers 12 and 13 are hilarious! You so rock!!!

amanda rae said...

ahh, this was amazing! i agree, it's time britney grows up a little bit. anyways, i'm new to the thursday thirteen and i'm excited to be a part of it!

Michelle Davis Petelinz said...

Very sad. Sadder still is the fascination the American public seems to have with these people, and the media which feeds us every sordid detail.

Thanks for the visit to my TT.

jeanjeanie said...

Nice list. I give you props -- I can't even work up any snark over her anymore. All I can do is shake my head and sigh.

amypalko said...

She truly is one of life's lost, isn't she. When she had her breakdown earlier this year, I really felt for her, but I'm afraid my sympathy grows thin. Now I just feel sorry for those two little boys.

Norma said...

It does make you wonder why parents try so hard to get their kids in show biz. She started way too young.

Derek Wong said...

I rather enjoyed that list. It was fun and amusing to read. It's really too bad about all of these child stars turning out to become so rotten. It's funny how that can happen over and over and nobody will ever learn from the past.

Karina said...

It seems the Rock Chick is definitely back! This was a great list.

Kendra said...

jessica that list is too funny! happy TT!

Samantha_K said...

You're cracking me up, sistah!

Great list!

katherine. said...

perfect list!

(well if you are wearing pants you don't have to wear underware...right???)

Qtpies7 said...

LOL those are funny! And NO underwear is NOT optional.

julia said...

'on drug and alcohol tests, you don’t want to get the highest score.' LOL!! I'm afraid Britney would have had the same story happen to her whether we can watch it on ET or whether just plain folks in her town watched in utter horror. It just seems worse when it's plastered everywhere for everyone to see.

Jenny McB said...

oh, poor Britney, she's just misunderstood. She just didn't have a regular childhood and like she like just wants to have a good time. Like her friends Lindsey, Paris and Nicole.

The Rock Chick said...

madame rubies: thanks! they have a lot of them at finalsense.com

shelly: awww c'mon! you HAVE to know who Britney Spears is....she and FedEx are on TV all the time :) I'll send you some of my magazines :)

sarah: yes, it's sickening, isn't it? millions of people who would be excellent parents struggling with infertility and these two are out repopulating the planet. I really feel for those kids....

kathy: hi!! glad you stopped by! Thanks--I can't take credit for this entire list, though....wish I could!

Vixen: thank you!! thats what I needed to hear! Happy TT!

mom huebert: yes, ouch is right. Just my interpretation of the situation ;)

open groove: yes, I think she will, but she doesn't seem to care...

joy: she does have a mom who it seems is or at least was trying to help her. I don't think she wants any help.

michelle: #12 and #13 belong to my friend, The Big BaHuna...I was drawing blanks and he helped me out. I'll pass this along. I've been trying to get him to blog!

amanda rae: welcome to the TT! It's my favorite of all the weekly memes out there! Well, it is when I can write one :)

michelle: the price of being a celebrity, I guess. Nobody makes these people act this way, they do it themselves.

jeanjeanie: I'm just getting my snark back! LOL

amypalko: I felt sorry for her earlier this year, too. She really seemed to have a breakdown. Now, I don't know what is wrong with her. I don't know how you can go out partying after you've just lost your kids.

norma: I agree. Way too much too soon.

derek wong: It amaZes me that people who have things like money, get bored and need to turn to drugs or something. She can do, go wherever she wants without every having to worry about work or anything. I dont understand that.

karina: yes, slowly but surely, I am back!! Thanks!

kendra: thank you!!

samantha_k: that was my plan! Thank you!

katherine: well, ok, with pants you don't have to wear underwear. You just can't go commando in a miniskirt :)

qtpies: I agree. I am the underwear wearing type myself :)

julia: I think this story is pretty bad even if we didn't know everything about her. I don't get her at all.

karen said...

love this! i think the only thing saving britney at this point is her age. a few more years and she'll be anna nicole. and we all know what happened to her...

Harlekwin said...

Thank God I wasn't drinking anything when I encountered #4 on your list, otherwise it would have sprayed my screen and likely have come out my nose... OMG, that was just mean and I loved it!!!

Don't ask why (ok you can, but I don't have to answer) but I enlarged the picture you included. Were those two seriously f'd up or what? Good Lord.

I used to think Ozzie Osbourne was the perfect example of 'just say no' I think we've found another one.

Malcolm: said...

Funny stuff Jessica! Did you make these up yourself? If not, where did you find them? I really liked 4,7, and 9.

The Rock Chick said...

Jenny McB: exactly like Paris, Lindsey and Nicole! I'm truly hoping Nicole Richie makes a better mom than Britney did.

harlekwin: LOL Yes, it was mean. One of my nicknames a friend gave me once was "ruthie" because if you get on my bad side (which is VERY hard to do) I can be ruthless...not sure where that comes from :)

malcolm: thank you! this list I had a little bit of help with because I was running behind and couldn't think of anything but 4, 7 and 9 were mine! YAY! I can take credit for those :)

pussreboots said...

As always in cases like this I feel sorry for the kids.

Happy belated TT.

FRIGGA said...

Hehe - that was funny. But mostly I just feel sorry for her because she's either too stubborn and stupid to listen or nobody's willing to tell her straight up how bad she looks.

JAM said...

These were awesome, and many are so close to true it's scary.

I'm sad to say we're from the same state. She actually tried to use the old "we're country" excuse when caught driving with the kid in her lap. She gives self-respecting rednecks a bad name.

Come to think of it, maybe the kid was her designated driver that day. You think?

Sniz said...

This list is lilarious! (That was a typo, but I thought the word turned out interesting, so I left it.) Very imaginative and creative. I enjoyed your previous post, especially the part about why you buy new books and don't check them out from the library. Once I got a children's book for my kids, and there was a yellow stain on the end pages. I KNOW it was pee, but I didn't say anything to the kids because I didn't want them to freak out.

Anyway, you posted on my TT post about flight attendants and yes, the traveling part is awesome. I really miss that and staying in really nice hotel rooms that I don't have to pay for. (I don't fly anymore because it was too hard to maintain with kids.)

amanda rae said...

i'm a little embarrass to ask you this because i'm so not technology smart. can you tell me how you get that box after your tt that lets people type in their name and their blog url which then gives you that lovely list of everyone who read your tt?? hopefully you understood this comment as i'm also not good at explaining things. ha!

The Rock Chick said...

Hi Amanda,
Sure! It's a Mister Linky....just go here...
http://www.blenza.com/linkies/login.php

register for an account (it's free) and then complete a wizard to help you set up your blog...it's easy!!!

Jessica

Kelly said...

sorry I'm late! That was hysterical!

She is tragic.

Hope said...

LOL #2...what a Great TT..first thing I haven't passed over (to read about Britney)...