It appears in a shocking twist of events that Paris Hilton has been released from jail due to a (cough, cough) medical condition. I have to say that I’m a little disappointed. I didn’t even have time to get my “FREE PARIS” t-shirts on the market.
Since we know that “spoiled brat” is not a real medical condition, I wondered what actually was the reason for Paris’ early release.
Today is Thursday Thirteen...and here’s mine...
1. The other inmates threatened to file “cruel and unusual punishment” lawsuits for having to be confined with Paris.
2. Paris’ ankle bracelet took longer than expected to arrive from Tiffany’s. Now that it's here, she can go home.
3. They were able to film the next entire season of “The Simple Life” in 3 (oh, excuse me 5) days.
4. They were unable to fit the tanning bed into the cell along with Paris and her entourage.
5. The Heir Head realized that “sharing a cell” has another meaning than letting someone borrow your phone.
6. Her cell phone provider threatened to sue the state over their impending bankruptcy if Paris wouldn’t be allowed use her blackberry for 23 days.
7. The judge realized that no one would actually buy “The Paris Hilton Jail Diaries” and he would never get his cut of the profits.
8. She can’t secretly videotape people having sex with her in there. The staff knows where all the cameras are.
9. They forced her to eat franks and beans for dinner. Based on her previous video footage, everyone knows that Paris is completely unable to swallow hot dog shaped items without gagging :)
10. All of Paris’ vomiting was clogging up the jail’s plumbing.
11. Jimmy Choo’s prison sneaker line makes her feet look fat.
12. All of the license plates she was making read "THTS HOT" creating all kinds havoc for the DMV.
13. It was only a matter of time before Nicole Richie's bony fingers were able to pick the cell lock making escape a foregone conclusion, anyway.