Thursday, June 7, 2007

Jailhouse Rock (Thursday Thirteen #19)

It appears in a shocking twist of events that Paris Hilton has been released from jail due to a (cough, cough) medical condition. I have to say that I’m a little disappointed. I didn’t even have time to get my “FREE PARIS” t-shirts on the market.

Since we know that “spoiled brat” is not a real medical condition, I wondered what actually was the reason for Paris’ early release.

Today is Thursday Thirteen...and here’s mine...


Thirteen REASONS WHY I THINK PARIS MIGHT HAVE BEEN RELEASED FROM JAIL EARLY


1. The other inmates threatened to file “cruel and unusual punishment” lawsuits for having to be confined with Paris.

2. Paris’ ankle bracelet took longer than expected to arrive from Tiffany’s. Now that it's here, she can go home.

3. They were able to film the next entire season of “The Simple Life” in 3 (oh, excuse me 5) days.

4. They were unable to fit the tanning bed into the cell along with Paris and her entourage.

5. The Heir Head realized that “sharing a cell” has another meaning than letting someone borrow your phone.

6. Her cell phone provider threatened to sue the state over their impending bankruptcy if Paris wouldn’t be allowed use her blackberry for 23 days.

7. The judge realized that no one would actually buy “The Paris Hilton Jail Diaries” and he would never get his cut of the profits.

8. She can’t secretly videotape people having sex with her in there. The staff knows where all the cameras are.

9. They forced her to eat franks and beans for dinner. Based on her previous video footage, everyone knows that Paris is completely unable to swallow hot dog shaped items without gagging :)

10. All of Paris’ vomiting was clogging up the jail’s plumbing.

11. Jimmy Choo’s prison sneaker line makes her feet look fat.

12. All of the license plates she was making read "THTS HOT" creating all kinds havoc for the DMV.

13. It was only a matter of time before Nicole Richie's bony fingers were able to pick the cell lock making escape a foregone conclusion, anyway.

35 comments:

Lori said...

This makes me sick!! See, money can buy you anything. Thats just pathetic! So, I guess if you have enough money, you can drive drunk it appears and break the law. Wow...very sad.

eternal flux said...

This is a GREAT list!!! LMAO!

Shelby said...

don't like it - but can't say I'm surprised.

Stephanie said...

Oh, my...is this funny!! Of course, it's sad too. At least she was there for a few days. I didn't really think she would have to go at all.

Just proves money CAN buy just about anything!! Happy TT!

dawnae said...

love your list....typical...I really can't stand Paris, and wonder what the big deal is about. I sure hope she is not a "role model" for kids these days!

Dana said...

That has got to be the funniest T13 I have seen yet!

This Eclectic Life said...

You are so wicked, you stinker! Poor Paris. LOL. I gotta go link this one. You are on a roll, baby.

m.o.M. said...

Funny, Funny! I laughed out loud ant #13.

Tink said...

hahahahahahahaha
The fact is sad, but your list is hilarious. Thanks for making me smile!
My TT is about Google & me. :-)

Karina said...

This was hillarious! Thank you, I so needed a good laugh today. Can't say as I'm surprised about her early release or whatever they're calling it. If I wasn't so down today, I might have a smarmy comment of my own.

My own, unfortunately sad, TT is up.

FRIGGA said...

Oh my that was funny!

Happy TT13 - mines up

Jenny McB said...

I think maybe she had a real meal and then got her period???

Funny list! I still don't get the hoopla about her.

Christine said...

Thanks for the laughs this morning!
HA, your TT is simply the funniest one I've ever read, and I could care less about Paris Hilton.
I liked #2! :)

Happy Thursday!

ancsweetnsassygal said...

If I ever have to go to jail, maybe I'll cry for three days, not eat, and call my therapist. Wonder if it will get me released early? Maybe I'll call it the Paris defense. Great, hilarious TT!

L^2 said...

LMAO - this is a great list! But I'm really not surprised she's out already.

SusieJ said...

You are clever. Good Job. I'm not sure which one I liked best. Cellphone, tanning bed, etc.

Maleah said...

Very funny! Forwarding this post to a couple of friends. Great TT!

That Blue Girl said...

This is the best 13 I've read today! What a great list. She's a jerk and should face consequences for her actions. But once again, a celebrity is above the law. Thanks for checking out my list!

FalnAngel7 said...

I'm not sure I can stop laughing long enough to type this. Thanks for giving me the funniest thing I've seen all week. Happy TT!

Katkat said...

I think the dust bunnies must of been to scary for her. Great list lol

Crimson Wife said...

Too funny! You could write for Letterman if you are able to come up with lists like these on a regular basis :-)

allrileyedup said...

I love this list, but number two in particular really got me. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

You're gonna have to fight me for Jon Bon Jovi, girlie! lol. :)

Ro
www.thirtyish.org

spyscribbler said...

You're kidding! I missed that. Geeze, that's pathetic!

Happy TT!

Thomma Lyn said...

LOLOL! What a funny list! One of the funniest TTs I've seen -- great job. :)

And "heir head" = perfect descriptor!

Happy TT, and thanks for visiting my blog!

Kendra said...

#9 is oh so dirty....you're bad!!

great TT post though!!

TeaMouse said...

Apparently she wasn't eating - poor thing! I wonder how that is any different from her normal routine, except maybe the warden has never seen anyone eat like a bird and still have the energy to drive the other prisoners nuts.

Kara said...

LOL great list!!!

Krissy said...

Your list made me laugh pretty hard! Very clever, girl!

Jessica Morris said...

woohoo - go you with all your comments!! I am comment-er number 30!

It was a very funny list. Funnier thing is that my TT list (that never got published due to the fact I had a brain fart after number 11!!) featured Donald Trump and "Thirteen ways I can get fired from my responsibilities from wife and mother." Two celebrity inspired TT - amused me anyway!

gledwood said...

I think the obnoxious woman thoroughly deserved to be punished and if what you say is true it is an utter shame we the public have been denied our natural right of retribution. Aren't we, society supposedly paid back by people doing time in jail? Well I demand she be reinstated. Or preferably sentenced to something more appropriate to her personality like the mediaeval stocks!!

Well it's just a thought. Your funky comment portrait caught my eye so here I am ... can't remember precisely how I got here I'm on a bit of a blog hop. Thought I'd say hi anyhow.

All the best to you and take it easy. Feel free to drop by my place: gledwood2.blogspot.

Laters!

Gleds

Michael C said...

Hysterical list!! I just read that she was ordered back to prison today...that's hot.
;-)

Crystal said...

LOL!!!

You're so bad, but it is so good. Thanks for the laugh. :)

Lady G~ said...

LOL!!! Your TT this week ROCKS!!!

Sara said...

OMG, that's just too funny - I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to put a link on my blog post today b/c I was ranting about Paris' jail time just yesterday!

Cheers for the giggles!