Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Word Up

We interrupt your regularly scheduled rant to bring you the following breaking news.... This is incredible, folks. It appears that a 41 year old Rock Chick from somewhere near Chicago has finally beaten her husband at Scrabble! The AP is reporting that the final score was 343 to 248 (yes, that’s right!) ending the husband’s 15+ year Scrabble winning run. And that’s the way it is...

Thank you, Mr. Cronkite. I’ll take it from here.

Yes, it’s true and it wasn’t only once, either. I beat him twice! Then I did my dance, yes my dance, did my dance quick so I can tell you, baby, what’s the word! (no, it’s not “UP”). It was “BEHAVED” on a triple word score that put me on the winner board.

Woo Hoo!

I haven’t been blogging this week because I’ve been playing games and dancing. Saturday night I went to a bar I had never been to before. A fake Rod Stewart was there along with a drunken pseudo Tom Selleck. Neither was anywhere near as attractive as the real thing, trust me!

Rod even tried to do a little Don Johnson impersonation by not wearing any socks with his ankle boots. (eeewwwww!). The only one who seemed enthralled by his loose shirt buttons and his overgrown chest hair was a woman who resembled a blonde Yoko Ono. That’s what she gets for wearing sunglasses inside a dark bar. I’m sure that severely impacted her vision or else she would have ran like hell.

The biggest weirdo that night was a shaggy haired guy wearing a shirt that I’m pretty sure he weaved himself. He introduced himself as a microbial something-or-other vegetarian (hard to tell with the alcohol induced slurring). Well, he is unless he’s with his mama, then he eats meat. According to him, it’s some rule in Oregon or something. In case you were worried, don’t be. It’s ok because his lady understands. I’m glad somebody does. I had no idea what he was talking about.

He told me more than I ever wanted to know about his idea for a Food Network show. He was still working on the title: Meat Eating Vegetarians In Oregon. He wanted to jumble the letters so it’s acronym would be MOVIE and since that was scrambled, you know, it would be so cool to use a font that looked like scrambled eggs in the logo. Oh, and the M could also stand for “music” because music theory is in his blood and he wants a rock and roll guitar player on the show. Supposedly, that’s what he was doing in the bar...scouting guitar players. I can’t imagine what guitar player wouldn’t jump at the chance to do that gag...oh sorry, gig.

I’ve decided that this weirdo magnet thing I have must be my fault. I must be giving out the “I talk to anyone” vibe. It’s the only explanation.

Sunday night we had our family and neighbors over to celebrate the birthdays of my daughter, my husband and me. Once the family left, the Hysteria Laners decided to go to a pizzeria in Chicago that has live bands. Each band only plays for an hour. I thought this would be kind of cool getting to listen to a variety of different bands in one night! I was very wrong.

I’m sure the reason for the one hour gigs is that they all sucked. My word! The only reason I danced was that I was hoping to get head-butted by someone so I could collapse into unconsciousness and be put out of my misery.

My opinion is that you are not a musician just because you are an angry guy with a mohawk and an expensive guitar. You are just an angry guy with a really bad hairdo who makes a lot of noise with something that is supposed to make music.

Someone once said though, that one person’s music is another person’s noise. Oh wait, no, that was trash and treasure. Same difference :)

2 comments:

This Eclectic Life said...

LOL! Hoping to get head-butted! I know the feeling. We went to the opening of a funky store in Dallas. I thought the kids were tuning their instruments. It turned out that it was their "music." I sound like my mother...

Hope you had a delightful week. I missed you!

Carolan Ivey said...

Way to go! I totally spell better than my husband, but he's better at strategy, so he almost always wins. Which honks me off to NO end. :)