Once when my kids were little, we came home from an afternoon at the pool and I told the kids to go change into dry clothes. When I heard shrieking from the bathroom, I ran upstairs and found my 3 1/2 year old son standing on the toilet looking over his shoulder into the big mirror on the wall.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
Not realizing that skin exposed to the sun will tan, my son caught a glimpse of his naked self in the mirror and believed his butt was turning white.
Between fits of laughter, I tried to explain to him that his butt was the same color it’s always been and it was the rest of his skin that had changed color. He didn’t believe me at first. Once he did, he thought it would be better to go to the pool naked so he didn’t have any lines.
I let him know that all lines are there for a reason. The tan line is where it is because, unless you are my neighbor Crazy Eddie, the part that’s “turning white” is yours and private. Nobody should cross that line.
Tan, drawn in the sand or set in stone, we all have our lines. If the majority of the people respected the lines of others, this world would be a much nicer place in which to live.
My post today was inspired by Crystal and the other Jessica, both of whom recently had other people make comments to them that crossed their lines.
Today is Thursday Thirteen and here’s mine....
1. Do not get inappropriately involved with other people’s spouses. I cannot stress this enough. The fallout will extend far beyond the zipper on anyone’s pants.
2. If you absolutely can’t control your extramarital urges, at least throw out a big enough tarp so that other people aren’t left to clean up the crap from your mess. That is really unfair.
3. Unless I’ve told you that I like you...I love you...I’m glad we are friends or something similar that indicates there is more to our relationship than both of us simply being in the same place at the same time...please do not touch me, grab me or rub any part of your body on me.
4. I am also 100% disinterested in seeing anything on your body that crosses standard tan lines.
5. I don’t care how much my shoes turn you on. Payless. $14.99. Go get yourself a pair.
6. Do not come into my house or break into my car and steal my things. I most certainly will let people borrow almost anything I have, except for my husband. I think I’ve already established that back in #1.
7. If I want you to know something, I will tell you. Do not bug other people trying to find out what it is I’m not telling you.
8. Do not put my kids in any kind of potentially dangerous situation. I don’t care if you weren’t sure if the bus driver was drinking or don’t feel qualified to determine if they were drunk. If it occurs to you to try to smell the bus driver’s breath, don’t let the kids get on the bus. Even The Rock Chick says there is nothing at the Rock and Roll McDonald’s worth risking one’s life to see.
9. Do not encourage any of my kids to “bug their mom” (that’s me!) until I change my mind about something to which I’ve already said no.
10. Unless you are planning my surprise birthday party, do not ask my kids to keep something secret from me.
11. Don’t even imply that I am a disinterested parent because I don’t want to attend a “special” PTA meeting to decide if there should be popsicles or pretzels served on “P” day or any other lettered day at the elementary school. You’re right, I don’t care, but this doesn’t make me a disinterested parent.
12. Don’t knock on my door in an attempt to convert me to another religion. If I wanted this information, I would have called you. Please respect my polite “I’m not interested” and stop talking.
13. If you are supposedly trying to pass yourself off as a professional person, then dress the part. I do not want to meet a therapist who looks like they’ve been through the drive-in in their old man’s Ford, behind the bushes and locked in the cellar all on the same day. Nor do I care to go to a Parent-Teacher Conferences and speak to someone wearing a mini-skirt and a tongue ring. I don’t care if there isn’t an “official dress code”. It’s completely inappropriate.
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