Wednesday, May 16, 2007

It's a Gas, Gas, Gas!

Laughing gas, that is!

I know today is my anniversary and the last thing people normally do on special days is make dental appointments. Especially me. I’m not all that fond of masked men. Well, maybe The Lone Ranger is acceptable. He’s kind of cool.

When you clench your teeth constantly and as strongly as I do, sometimes they fracture and then you are at the dentist’s mercy as to when he can see you. Mine had plenty of time today, of course.

I know, I know, I’m supposed to be wearing that TMJ splint 24/7. If I had been, this wouldn’t have happened. It just looks so obscene now, I can’t do it.

I’ve been known to panic and run out of a dentist's office or five, but I really had been doing quite well until my emergency inside-out eyelid surgery a few weeks ago. Now all I have to do is see a masked man and mind says “Back off, Kemo Sabe, I am out of here!” I know I poke fun at it, but it really is awkward freaking out in front of people like that.

I’ve been exceptionally anxious lately and my dentist is used to me running out of his office. He even schedules extra time for me to do so. Despite my fear of him, he is a really good guy, so today he suggested we try some nitrous oxide (laughing gas) in order to calm me down.

Heck, I like to laugh so I said sure, bring it on!

It was great the first couple of minutes and I was starting to feel relaxed. Very relaxed. Very very relaxed. Then it happened. I started to feel as though I was floating outside my body which made me certain I had died. So I did what all people who think they died in the dentist’s chair do. I pulled the off the mask and started hyperventilating. I think I even screamed a little bit and hightailed it out of there in a jumping jack flash.

I don’t have any idea why they call that laughing gas. There is nothing funny about that at all. What I do know is that I could never be a recreational drug user.

I went outside and took a 15 minute breather and some Xanax and was able to complete the procedure with my usual white knuckle grip on the chair rails. It's exhausting being me.

Once the masked man was done, he lectured me about how I really need to wear the mouth splint all the time. I told him to remove the mini penis he recently added on to the end of it and he had a deal.

I’m sure he didn’t expect me to say that because he busted out laughing. He thinks I’m a regular riot. I think maybe too much of that laughing gas leaked out into the room because I really wasn’t joking.

He did as I asked and removed the teeny weenie. I now have back my Angelina Jolie lips, lisp and no chipped teeth. Things are looking thwell again :)


Crystal said...

Oh my... are you my twin? When I was younger and was given "laughing gas" for the first time, I ripped off the mask and freaked out. I think I scared the dentist. He jumped back. Of course, that was right after I told him that I was going to puke all over him. (I didn't puke, but it did get him to back off!)

I still hate going to the dentist, and I will NEVER do the nitrous oxide again. I don't see how people enjoy that feeling at all!

Jamie said...

It's not the Lone Ranger, but maybe this will make you laugh enough to go through with the dental work

Hoppy, Gene and Me

Rockycat said...

I've been wearing what my dentist calls a "mouthpiece" for my TMJ for almost seven years now. At first I had to wear it 24/7, but after the first few months I only had to wear it at night. And I have to say, I was in so much pain before the mouthpiece, I would have worn a giant inflatable penis on top of my head if it would have stopped the pain. Thankfully, the mouthpiece did the trick!

This Eclectic Life said...

What a day! I hate laughing gas, also. I start telling everything I know (so like, what else is new?). Sorry you had to go through that! But, you haven't lost your sense of humor! ♥

Kendra said...

"mini penis"? omgosh woman, that is just too funny!! LOL

Dana said...

My husband had that same experience with laughing gas.

Lady G~ said...

Happy Anniversary to you!