I really wanna know!
I recently received a rather cryptic communication letting me know that my blog and I have a fan. This person is not just any ordinary fan, though. My superfan is supposedly a superstar! Could this be true? Could I have attracted the attention of someone that I read about in the tabloids every week? Bon Jovi???? Is it you?? (I always knew you’d find me!)
Cryptic communications to the Nancy Drew and to the we-all-know-what-curiosity-did-to-the Cat in me are just plain torture. I admit, I lack some of the patience virtue. I like to know things and I like to know them now. No dilly-dally. I like to know what’s going on and I like to be ready for whatever it is.
All of this, of course, got me thinking about what I would need if I were going to meet and maybe even hang out with my superfan. You know, for the paparazzi and all.
Today is Thursday Thirteen and here’s mine...
1. Do I need underpants or will we be getting out of the car commando-style?
2. I’m pretty sure I will have to learn how to order something at Starbucks.
3. If we’re wearing halter tops, I will most definitely need a boob job. There’s only so much a Wonder Bra can do with AAs.
4. Do I need a dress made of feathers, biodegradable material or tin foil? Goth, ghetto, preppy, bling, hobo, leather or fur?
5. Are we going clubbing to the VIP room of a celebrity hotspot full of underaged Pop Tarts? If so, then I will definitely have to learn how to hold my liquor.
6. If I can’t do #5, then I will need one of those big, burly bodyguards to carry me back to the car. You know, in case I get “exhausted” and just simply fall asleep in the bar :) (hey, that could happen!)
7. Can I bring the kids a la Brangelina style? Do I need a nanny manny?
8. Where do I get one of those small animals to carry around with me everywhere I go?
9. Big sunglasses! Gotta have those.
10. A bump. Every time all the glam celeb girls eat a cheeseburger, the tabloids speculate if they are pregnant or not. If there’s no one trying to photograph the bump, then you are not a superstar.
11. Do I need some tattoos? A nose job? An eating disorder? Bigger lips? A new wave religion?
12. Do I need to be more green? Drive a hybrid? Maybe we’re taking the Porsche for a spin?
13. No matter who it is, I will definitely need to color this gray streak that keeps appearing in my hair.
Soooo much to do...sooooo little time.
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