Thursday, February 1, 2007

Run Run Run Run Run Away (Thursday Thirteen #5)

There was a time when I wanted to be a super famous rock star. I even had a Hollywood style marriage (lasting 4 months) in case the tabloids ever wanted to write anything about me. Ok, that wasn't the exact reason :) I actually dated my ex for an entire year before we married. He was very nice until we actually were married. Then some kind of Jekyll and Hyde thing happened.

Earlier this week Oldest Daughter said that my ex-husband asked her if she cared if he got married again. She doesn't. I do. Not that I'm jealous, far from it. The only possible mate my ex-husband could maintain any kind of relationship with would be a wealthy blow up doll. I hate to see anyone have to go through what I did.

I hear rumors that people change. I haven't personally witnessed these miraculous transformations myself.

Today is Thursday's mine....

Thirteen Reasons Why Nobody Should Marry MY EX-HUSBAND

1. He won't want to go to your wedding reception. Seriously.

2. He drinks too much.

3. He doesn't like to work. Not that anybody I know really likes to work, but they still do it.

4. He will accuse you of cheating on him while you are at work.

5. He will be out coochie-cooing with a Charo look-alike when you are at work.

6. He will tell his friends it's ok to move in without even asking you.

7. He will take all of your money and purchase a guava orchard in Mexico.

8. He will go out with his friends and tell you he will insist that you never see your friends and stay in the house.

9. He will mark the tires of your car to see that you do just that.

10. He will rack up huge phone bills talking to his family in several different countries for hours on end. If you would like to talk to your family on a local call, he will tell you to get off the phone every five minutes

11. He believes that any baby he fathers should be a boy. Based on this logic, if you have a girl, he won't believe that she is his.

12. If you divorce him (and you will), you will only get $37.00 a week in child support if you're lucky. The positive thing about this is he will give you full custody because if your baby is a girl, it's probably not his anyway.

13. After you divorce him, he will vanish for quite a long time and then show up on your doorstep one day saying if you will only have sex with him one more time, he's sure he can win you back. Hold on up there, Speedy Gonzalez. I don't think so.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


amy said...

Im not sure I wanted to be the first to comment but I enjoyed your list and I know you are much happier without him! Thanks for posting this week

Kuanyin said...

This is a good one! Let it be known! Happy TT--you're free.

Suni said...

this was the saddest and funniest 13 i have ever read. thanks for stopping by my blog earlier!

Lauren said...

LOL! Well nothing like taking pain and making others laugh.

Jules said...

"The only possible mate my ex-husband could maintain any kind of relationship with would be a wealthy blow up doll. I hate to see anyone have to go through what I did."

Could it be possible to have the same ex? That is CLASSIC, and I plan on using that one about mine for many years to come!

_gentle said...

I often have nightmares about my Ex. Great list.

AnnaMary said...

MUCH better off without him! Happy TT!

MsLittlePea said...

Oh.My.Gosh!(insert obnoxious valley -girl voice) Sounds like my highschool boyfriend-good thing I didn't marry him!

Thanks for the visit by the way-I'll definitely stop by again

anneberit said...

Oh man, he sounds like a man it's best to be far far away from. No wonder you found your way out of that marriage!

Kendra said...

oh my gosh, that is effen hilarious!!! great submission for the "blow my dress up" contest!!!