I've discovered that I really enjoy blogging. It's like venting, only better, because you don't have to worry that the person you are talking to is getting tired of listening.
I love most of these people, I really do, but sometimes I get tired with the amount of whining they do. For today's Thursday Thirteen, here are 13 blogs I wish people would write so they could stop bothering me with this stuff.
1. "Money For Nothing". The story of a desperate housewife who desires grand ballrooms, expensive automobiles and fancy vacations, but refuses to even work part-time because it's too stressful. Includes all the names she calls her husband because he doesn't make enough money to provide her with all of these luxuries.
2. "Rock Star". The moanings of the world's greatest undiscovered guitar player who knows everything about everything, asks for your opinion about everything and then tells you that you are wrong.
3. "Call Me". The diary of a woman who must get over her telephone addiction.
4. "Daydream Believer". A blog describing the trials and tribulations of a lonely woman in love with a married man and keeping their love child a secret for 15 years. She has been waiting 17 years for him to leave his wife, which he is going to do "any day now".
5. "Oops, I Did It Again!" The actions of a ridiculously outspoken, judgmental imbecile who never learns from his mistakes and should be fired on a daily basis.
6. "You Don't Bring Me Flowers"....or french fries. The saga about a woman who doesn't really need to be eating any more french fries, much less complain when husband won't leave work in the middle of the day to bring them to her.
7. "Point Blank". The manifesto of a 39 year old "cellar dweller" (lives in mom & dad's basement) who believes that the right to own a gun is the only issue anyone should care about. If you don't agree with this, he will swear at you, call you names and threaten to move to Montana.
8. "All Jacked Up". The narratives of two people who actually could have "relatively" nice lives if they would stop drinking all of the booze they have stashed under their beds. Here they could write the nasty things they say to their daughter-in-law instead of slurring them to her face.
9. "Material Girl" The memoirs of a woman who can talk about nothing except all of the material possessions that she and her neighbors constantly accumulate in order to up one another.
10. "Obsession". The rituals of a constantly scrubbing germophobe who is in desperate need of medication.
11. "Sugar, Sugar". The spiel of an extremely overweight school principal that thinks she is going to end childhood obesity by insisting that no one consume more than 100 calories at a time.
12. "I Ain't Got No Money" The fables of a man who claims he can't afford child support payments while purchasing Corvettes for his collection.
13. "867-5309". You'll get her number very quickly. Listen to her dramas as she pretends to be someone's friend, stabs them in the back and then can't figure out why no one likes her.
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