It's a Gas, Gas, Gas!

Laughing gas, that is!

I know today is my anniversary and the last thing people normally do on special days is make dental appointments. Especially me. I’m not all that fond of masked men. Well, maybe The Lone Ranger is acceptable. He’s kind of cool.

When you clench your teeth constantly and as strongly as I do, sometimes they fracture and then you are at the dentist’s mercy as to when he can see you. Mine had plenty of time today, of course.

I know, I know, I’m supposed to be wearing that TMJ splint 24/7. If I had been, this wouldn’t have happened. It just looks so obscene now, I can’t do it.

I’ve been known to panic and run out of a dentist's office or five, but I really had been doing quite well until my emergency inside-out eyelid surgery a few weeks ago. Now all I have to do is see a masked man and poof...my mind says “Back off, Kemo Sabe, I am out of here!” I know I poke fun at it, but it really is awkward freaking out in front of people like that.

I’ve been exceptionally anxious lately and my dentist is used to me running out of his office. He even schedules extra time for me to do so. Despite my fear of him, he is a really good guy, so today he suggested we try some nitrous oxide (laughing gas) in order to calm me down.

Heck, I like to laugh so I said sure, bring it on!

It was great the first couple of minutes and I was starting to feel relaxed. Very relaxed. Very very relaxed. Then it happened. I started to feel as though I was floating outside my body which made me certain I had died. So I did what all people who think they died in the dentist’s chair do. I pulled the off the mask and started hyperventilating. I think I even screamed a little bit and hightailed it out of there in a jumping jack flash.

I don’t have any idea why they call that laughing gas. There is nothing funny about that at all. What I do know is that I could never be a recreational drug user.

I went outside and took a 15 minute breather and some Xanax and was able to complete the procedure with my usual white knuckle grip on the chair rails. It's exhausting being me.

Once the masked man was done, he lectured me about how I really need to wear the mouth splint all the time. I told him to remove the mini penis he recently added on to the end of it and he had a deal.

I’m sure he didn’t expect me to say that because he busted out laughing. He thinks I’m a regular riot. I think maybe too much of that laughing gas leaked out into the room because I really wasn’t joking.

He did as I asked and removed the teeny weenie. I now have back my Angelina Jolie lips, lisp and no chipped teeth. Things are looking thwell again :)