Wednesday, June 18, 2008

It's A Heartache

Yesterday I took my daughter to the level of care assessment to determine the best plan for her right now in treating her eating disorder.

We chose a different facility than the one we used last time. I had a bad feeling about the program we used last year from the get go and that never really changed throughout her treatment there. After viewing this other facility and listening to their programs and treatment plans, I can totally see why. It’s like night and day. My daughter and I were both pleased at what we saw and heard in this new place. We’re also much more informed than we were last year at this time, too.

Knowledge is power. I keep saying it and it’s completely true.

After doing a brief physical exam and speaking to her for a while, the counselor came back and said that honestly, Samantha needed immediate intervention and she shouldn’t even go home with me. She should be admitted to their 24 hour inpatient program right then.

I guess I wasn’t totally surprised, but I don’t think anyone is ever ready to hear something like that. I was heartbroken, but I know it’s the best thing for her. She will be there for sometime between 3 and 30 days, although, the two week mark is the most likely. At that time, she will move to a daytime program where she can come home at night and on the weekends.

I was reminded by the intake counselor yesterday that our situation is more hopeful than most because Samantha wants to recover from this illness. She admits and accepts that she needs to be in a program like that, which most of the patients do not I’m told.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was walk out of that unit last night. I looked back and saw her standing at the nurses desk with those beautiful sapphire eyes looking a little lost and scared. I lost it and ran to the elevator so she wouldn’t see me. The nice security guard at the exit gave me a whole box of tissues for the ride home. I needed all of them.

It’s the right thing, I know it and I can feel it, but my heart just aches and I can’t stop the tears. I need to pull myself together not only for Sam, but for me and the hubby and the rest of the kids, too.

I’m usually more of a giver, but I’m totally accepting any good wishes and “It’ll be okay’s” that anyone has to spare today. I could use a few extra.


Crystal said...

My heart is breaking for you. :( I know that has to be impossibly hard. I'm still praying for her and that this program will be just what she needs right now.


Vixen said...

Having had to make that walk out of a unit twice when my oldest was 14 and 17, I know the feelings you are experiencing.

I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and praying for all of you.

Jenny McB said...

It will be okay, really, especially since she is accepting the treatment. Thinking of you and sending some positive Mom vibes your way.

Jamie said...

As difficult as this time is, she has found the strength to try to change and that is the beginning of getting well. May you and the family find the courage and wisdom to see this through together.

Damien said...

Jessica: That cannot be comfortable. All I can say is it really can and will get better now that she's getting her therapy in a safe place.

Hang in there. We've come a long way as a cukture with this and you will look back and smile when she becomes well. Feel free to drop me an email anytime if you wanna rap more.

All our best to your family during this time.

SmileyGirl said...

Oh my goodness, makes me tear up just thinking about it. You both are so smart though to embrace the help instead of running from it. Stay confident in the fact that you and she liked the facility and did think it was the best. Trust that they know what they are doing and are doing everything they can to help your daughter WIN this fight. And they have given you hope that she can beat this ugly disease. If it would help, start a calendar and cross off each day she's there....every day is closer to the day she will come home. Think about how much better she will be. She is in good hands, I'm sure she is scared, but she is well taken care of. They've done this with other kids and had success or they wouldn't be in business. You've done your best and you know she needs help. Let them help her and stand beside her like I know you will to help her when things are rough. You can do it and yes you will be okay. And if you have to....use every kleenex in every box you see for a day or two. It is a grief process too and you have to live it to get through it. I wish I could help more. Just know I'm thinking about you and your daughter and sending you my hugs. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Jessica Morris said...

I am thinking about you and praying for you guys!
(((hugs))) wish we lived closer and I could bring you a meal or something. For some reason I don't think tacos would hold up so well through the mail. :)

Dustin said...

I wish I would have been able to post a "that'll be ok" response the other day when you posted this! Unfortunately, I have been working long days and haven't been checking the blogs I read.

Your daughter and the rest of your family continue to be in my prayers. The very fact that your daughter recognizes the problem and wants help is a HUGE advantage!