Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

If you want my body and you think I’m sexy

Please... don’t let me know

Do NOT reach out and touch me

Don’t care, don’t tell me so.

There seems to be some sort of increasingly uncomfortable phenomenon occurring in my workplace. For some reason, all of a sudden I am getting manhandled by some of our recently retired clients who seem to have nothing better to do than hang out at our office all day. I guess I am not just a weirdo magnet. The dirty old men are drawn to me, too.

Insurance is an odd business at times. We have a lot of customers who think they should get much more for their insurance premiums than protection in case "shit happens".

They want our advice on all kinds of things including relationships and whether or not they should take the car away from their pot smoking kid. They call and ask us for wake-up calls and even if I can help make airline reservations!

I even took a call once if I knew how likely it was to contract herpes from someone during an outbreak. No idea, sorry.

Mr. C is one of our longtime regulars who demands “extra attention” for his money. He wants us to call him to remind him to pay his premiums and then when he comes in, he wants a hug and peck on the cheek for his longtime loyalty. I don't care how low Geico's rates go, I am not kissing our customers to keep business. Sorry.

I used to make The Goonan call him and then when I saw his car pull up, I would hide in the back. I guess Goonan was good for something because I no longer have that luxury. My refusals to give Mr. C a peck on the cheek leads him to chase me around the office yelling “someday!”.

I don’t think so.

Another one of our longtime clients, Mr. L., recently retired and seems to like our coffee. He usually comes in, has a cup or two and tells off-color jokes. I worked in a police station, I can handle that. He came in yesterday to actually pay one of his premiums and it had gone up slightly.

He told me he was going to spank me for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hahahahahaha. That’s so darling, Dirty Old Man! Oh please, let me run off with you right now!

It wasn’t so funny when I got up to retrieve his receipt off the back printer and he grabbed my arm and slapped me on the butt.

WTF? Sometimes I feel like some sort of insurance premium prostitute.

I think he misunderstood. My job is to make sure his assets are protected in case someone slaps him with a suit, not to have to protect my ass because he feels suited to slapping.

I made it quite clear to Mr. L that if he decides to manhandle me a next time, it won’t be the office sex kitten he sees, it will be JessiCat.

Why the heck do people think they can do this? It’s definitely time to pull the plug on more than just the coffee pot.


FRIGGA said...

Yuck! Old men do it because they know they can get away with it. Young men look forward to getting old enough to get away with it. 8-\

Sarah said...

As a waitress in a primarily senor citizen restaurant for 11 yrs I can absolutely relate. I had one older customer who was always overly touchy feely and though it made me uncomfortable I never said anything. Finally one of the other girls made a complaint loud enough to benefit the rest of us thank goodness. Hopefully you will get lucky as well. Good Luck!

The Rock Chick said...

frigga: I was kind of hoping that was "another generation" thing and that today's younger men wouldn't be doing that. I'm sure I'm very wrong!!! LOL

sarah: I used to waitress, too, in a diner where we had the same regular senior citizens every day. Believe me, I "earned" my money there, too. The only place I have worked where this didn't happen was at the police department. Yes, there was dirty jokes, foul language, etc., but no one ever laid a hand on each other there. It was nice!!!

Malcolm said...

I can honestly say that when I get old enough to become a member of the AARP, I won't be expecting anything "extra" like your clients. My guess is that those old men who are pulling that crap with you were dirty young men who just got older. I don't know if your company is set up to take online payments... but if it is, I'll bet that you are thankful for the customers who use that method.

Btw, great line about that jerk misunderstanding that your job is to protect his assets.

This Eclectic Life said...

Um...what if Mr. L "likes it rough." JessiCat could be just what he wants to see!
Sorry you have to deal with that kind of stuff. It still doesn't make you miss Goonan, does it? LOL
And, see, if stuff like that didn't happen to you, we wouldn't get to read your rants about it!

Crystal said...

"My job is to make sure his assets are protected in case someone slaps him with a suit, not to have to protect my ass because he feels suited to slapping."

Only you could say this, you know. Only you. Replace the "his" and "him" with "your" and "you" and I think you have a new slogan.

Kendra said...

oh my... that's sexual harrassment! he doesn't even have a clue though, does he?

you need some sort of device that would shock him, like a taser, for the next time he tries that!

Fourier Analyst said...

I have quick reflexes and would have slapped his face before the stung wore off my skin. But that's probably because I react before I think. But then you could say that about him as well!!