Yes, I’m foiled again!
When I get crabby, I can’t write. I don’t exactly become illiterate or anything, but it seems to lose a bit of the my Rock Chick spunk...sense of humor...spark, if you will and my writing style goes from RANTastic to well, just plain ranting. Not so good.
I’ve been having a hard time coming up with blog entries lately and coming up with clever Thursday Thirteen ideas can be brutal.
I don’t know why, but things seem to continue to be falling apart around me and it’s making me very cranky. This has been going on for almost a year now.
Among other things I don’t care to write about, my blog sites are crashing, my car doors won’t open (the mechanic can’t even get them open) and I’ve misplaced my creative flashes. Hot flashes have taken their place because my hormone replacement therapy has also stopped working. This has left me trapped in some sort of menopausal hell, which is hot, just not exactly the kind of hotness oh-so-youthful The Rock Chick seeks to achieve.
My contact lenses keep falling out, all of my pants are suddenly too big and somehow, I pushed the button on my electric toothbrush too soon and managed to spray blast toothpaste directly into my eye this morning. Don’t do that, by the way. It really stings.
I think I’ve been cursed. The normally uplifting, optimistic, “let’s go!” me, now just wants to hide in the house, left weary of what could possibly happen next and well, cursing.
There’s one good thing about all of this, though, if I didn’t have all this bad luck...I’d certainly have no Thursday Thirteen today. Here's mine.
1. Maybe it was the claddagh ring I bought for myself not knowing that it would bring bad luck. I threw it away, which probably only angered it.
2. Maybe it was the gypsies I chased away after they showed up at my house and wanted to offer me a deal on a new driveway. I don’t know if you’ve ever personally been cursed by a gypsy, but when I worked at the police department, I wrote a fire lane violation parking ticket and a gypsy came running out of the store wishing all sorts of bad things to happen to me. Within three hours, I broke out in hives so badly I had to leave work. It’s true. I’m sure there was nothing psychosomatic about that at all ;)
3. Double whammy. I also chased the gypsies away when they knocked on my door and said they were supposed to be house sitting for one of my neighbors who was on vacation. Unfortunately, they had lost the piece of paper with their address (don’t you hate when that happens?) and could I tell them which of my neighbors are on vacation so they know which house to watch? Oh, sure, let me get right on that. As you can tell, we have a bit of a gypsy problem in my area.
4. Maybe it was the pamphlet shoving religious lady that came to the house a few months ago. I don’t even know what religion she was and I told her very politely that I was perfectly happy with my own religion and I wasn’t interested in her brochures. The lady told me that bad things would happen to me if I stayed with my religion because the Columbine shooters were my religion and that was a sign. I have no idea if that’s true or not. I really believe I need to stop answering the door.
5. Maybe it’s my weirdo magnetism. Wherever I go, weirdos find me. Several months back, I was at the mall and this elderly woman asked me if I knew where the shoe department was located. We were standing in the shoe department and she had shoes in her hand so I smiled and said “This is the shoe department” and she said “thank you, dear” and stuck out her hand for a shake. I shook it but as soon as I did, something else made me shake. I got a really bad, heebie jeebie creepy vibe from her. Maybe she slipped me something.I didn't think too much about this back then, but now I'm wondering.
6. Maybe it was my friend, Camilla. When she gets mad, she summons up curses on people. It wouldn’t surprise me if she had little pin cushion dolls for every person she’s ever met in her life... just in case. Camilla is self-absorbed and quite wealthy. She doesn’t have to work, so she spends her mornings at the gym working out and then has the whole rest of the day free, with nothing to do but annoy people. She interrupted me at work one very busy day a few months ago to ask if I knew if apples were a kosher food item. I had no idea and she asked me to find out for her. I told her I would have to do it later as I was a little bit busy at the moment. She’s been mad at me since.
7. Maybe it was that friend of my daughter’s who brought that Ouija board into my house!
8. Maybe it was that friend of a friend gave me The Evil Eye at a rock chicking gig for no reason at all. I didn’t really believe in the Evil Eye until I saw the wicked glance she gave me. Yowsa. She scares me more than Camilla does.
9. My ex-husband has also been rumored to be an Evil Eye giver, so he says, anyway. Personally, I’ve never seen it, and I think that’s a requirement of the Evil Eye, but who knows. Maybe there’s different versions. I’m really not an expert on this stuff.
10. Maybe it could be my mother-in-law, too. That woman has more than a few tricks up her sleeve. The last time I saw her, she was muttering something in German about me under her breath. I don’t speak that language so I have no idea what she said.
11. Maybe I did something terrible and it’s karma that has got me. I can’t think of anything I did that deserves this streak, though. Maybe the sassy Miss Karma has confused me with someone else. Could happen, I guess.
12. Maybe it’s been all of these lunar and solar eclipses. The horoscopes say they can be devastating to Geminis, like me. The solar system is officially in collusion to get me. Sounds semi-plausible and the least frightening of anything I’ve come up with so far. This might just be the one I'm going to run with.
13. Just so you don’t think I’m a crazy woman, I’m willing to accept the fact that, just maybe, it’s not a curse. Maybe I’m just too frazzled and every little thing I might normally overlook seems like it’s a big deal. Nah, that CAN’T be it. I’m sticking with #12.