Thursday, August 16, 2007

Before He Cheats (Thursday Thirteen #27)

The Rock Chick is livid.

Seething, actually.

I’m even going to steal my friend Shelly’s favorite curse word and say it out loud. DAGNABBIT!

I have been having this on again/off again love affair with Technorati. Some days, he treats me very well and other days, well, let’s just say that today he has me tempted to drag my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four wheel drive.

All I want as a blogger is to be on his A-List. Is this so much to ask? Apparently, it is. Yesterday, my technorati authority score was 483. Only 17 links away from the A-List! Today my score was knocked down to 432. WTF?

Even more insulting is that I even tried to use my womanly charms with Technorati to push myself over that edge. I guess the “Head Nurse” costume I bought from Lover’s Lane didn’t have the desired effect. I knew I didn’t fill that thing out right.

Anyway, now I am mad. That two-timing Technorati is getting “no more rati” from The Rock Chick. It’s time to take a Louisville Slugger to both headlights.

Today is Thursday Thirteen...and here's mine...


Thirteen WAYS THE ROCK CHICK CAN GET REVENGE ON TECHNORATI


1. I could enlist the help of Carrie Underwood, I suppose. If that girl can work that kind of wonder with a baseball bat, I’m sure she has some other good ideas.

2. I could list him on Don’t Date This.

3. An acquaintance whom I affectionately call “Internet Stacey” might be able to help me! In order to be a stay at home mom, she started her own business talking dirty and webcamming on the internet. She uses her secret identities to test the men she is dating in real life. I could get her to expose Technorati!

4. I could give him margaritas and then permanently tattoo Hanson’s logo on his arms! That would be MMMboppin’ fantastic!

5. I could send him a blow up doll with a hole in it.

6. Or I could fill the blow up doll’s mouth with Krazy Glue.

7. I could cheat on Technorati with Alexa!

8. I could buy one of those Mind Molester things that chirps at really annoying pitches and intervals. He’d be so busy trying to figure out what that was, he wouldn’t have time to mess with my authority score!

9. I could send him a computer virus, the internet's version of an STD.

10. I could drive like Martha Stewart and just chase him down with my car!

11. I could hire someone to go kick his ass! I’d have to. Technorati is a lot bigger than I am.

12. Maybe Paris Hilton could help me out. She’s popular enough with Technorati to get in the door and sleazy enough to secretly videotape their sexcapades and post it on YouTube.

13. After he’s done with Paris, I could introduce him to Lorena Bobbit. ‘Nuf said about that one!

So, tell me...what are some of your best revenge ideas?



32 comments:

Kendra said...

oh wow, i can't believe technorati did that to you!!! revenge is definitely necessary here. i'd have to say if Martha Stewart can't chase her down, then Lindsey Lohan probably could. She was successful in her chase down a few weeks ago which also successfully landed her another DUI with a string of other charges too!

i was even able to pull a TT out of a hat today!! ;)

The Rock Chick said...

Kendra: Oh, I think a date with Lindsey Lohan might be excellent punishment! :)

FRIGGA said...

The only way I know around Technorati's assiness (yes, I can create new words) is to do a lot of leg work, or I guess finger work. Visit blogs listed in Technorati with lower ratings then you, then offer link exchanges... But 17 woulda been much easier on your fingers...

Funny list - Happy TT13

julia said...

Technorati, schmectorati. What do they know? Your best revenge is to sign him up for spanking sites.

Robin said...

Laxatives in his drinks. Definitely.

Karina said...

I say you also hook him up with Kelly Clarkson...that girl has some serious pent up agression to get out!

By the way I just posted my "Rock the Rock Chick's World" post yesterday, so hopefully that'll help some! ;-)

Nancy J. Bond said...

LOL at #5! A very ambitious list!

jeanjeanie said...

Technorati's a bastard.

#6 is awesome. Bwah!

Lexa Roséan said...

hey I just checked and my technorati score went down from yesterday too. Last week I was in the top 10,000. That sucks. Let's call down Technorati's karma!

Indiana Amy said...

I am so out of date I tell you...I have no idea what this technorati is. Boy do I feel old!

Jessica Morris said...

I get depressed when I check my scores ... they were good, now they just keep getting worse!
I think we should start a support group - Technorati has screwed up too many of us!

Vixen said...

I love all of them and technorassie deserves them all!

Happy TT

Kuanyin said...

Technorati does the same thing with me--constantly downsizing me! WTF!? I don't get it...and if you ever get your revenge, let me know so I can celebrate with ya! Ok? Hey, come on over and join my TT and my blog contest! I need you...since you're linked in my sidebar, won't ya help me out here???

katherine. said...

I have no good revenge ideas...but I want to use some of yours....especially stacey....

amanda rae said...

i linked you!

ugh, technorati has also betrayed me.

hope you get on the a-list!

The Rock Chick said...

Frigga...oh my..that would be a lot of work. I guess just writing and tagging doesn't work...I may have to do that!!

julia: spanking sites! hmmm....I didn't think of that! But that would be awesome! I might have to use that on some of my real life annoyances :)

robin: ohhhh, I like it! Way better than ex-lax in the brownies--that ones old! :)

karina: Oh yes, I forgot about Kelly. Maybe even Alanis Morrissette, too. She's got that angry thing going on as well!!! Thanks for the links! I really appreciate it!

Nancy: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right?

jeanjeannie: I agree. He really is!

lexa: ok! we need to band together..it's the only way to stop Technorati!

indiana amy: be glad! once you get sucked in to the whole thing, you are hooked. resist the temptation!!

jessica: yes, good idea! You name the time and the place and I'll bring the coffee and donuts!

vixen: technorassie!! you crack me up!

kuanyin: I think I'll be having a revenge party before an A list party!! I will be over in a bit--glad to play along with you!

katherine: Internet Stacey is quite a character. She's all PTA President on the outside, too....if they only knew!

amanda: thank you...you can join our support group if you'd like :)

So Lost said...

you go girl!

This Eclectic Life said...

I'm working on a way to get every dagnab one of us to the A-list!!! I think I can do it, too, if everybody is willing to play...

Starrlight said...

Techno's authority and ranking new version is stupid. It will not count all links towards your authority. I love watching my reactions go up while my rank and authority drop. I gave them the finger and took off half my techno widgets :P

Damozel said...

Yeah, I hear you. I'm told that one of the things Technorati does is take away credit for links over 6 months. God alone knows why. A link is a link is a link.

The Rock Chick said...

starrlight: it is stupid! I know, I have more links and reactions than ever and my score and rank are dropping. I might give them the finger, too :)

damozel: I agree. A link is a link.

Shelly: you go girl!!! We'll fix him yet!

Qtpies7 said...

You should google "penus fish" (but spell it right, I miss spelled so you won't get gross hits) you'll get some great ideas there.

Jenny McB said...

There's enough estrogen among us that we should be able to figure this out.
I say go to all the new TT13ers and make some friends. May be if more people had you has a favorite??

Hang in there, let the force help you..

Harlekwin said...

I was positive I commented on this post today...YIKES this getting old stuff sucks almost as bad as Technorati!

Fear not, the collective thinking caps are being donned and as Jen so correctly pointed out, estrogen will take the day. Honey, I'm doing some research, no answers yet, but I'm working on some really wild assumptions!

Di said...

Hmmm...if I gave you my best revenge ideas, it would squander one I might be able to use in my own future TT. But who cares.

Where my home is in the Bible Belt, people would say that they will get their revenge on Judgment Day...but frankly, that's too fucking long to wait and I might not be there to see it.

I think I would find some way to buy live crab lice (come on...it's the internet...I'm sure they are available on e-bay) and infest his bed with them.

Jenny McB said...

Hey Jess- I awarded you a "nice award", yes, you! It's for your thoughtful, fun and supportive comments. Check out my blog for more about it.

Fourier Analyst said...

What a Techno-RAT. You know what they say, if a guy tells you what he is, BELIEVE HIM!! Shoulda known with this guy. How about letting out the air in two of his tires?

The Rock Chick said...

harlekwin: I'm already out of estrogen. Surgical Menopause...which really sucks. Don't let anyone tell you that those pills make you feel the same, either. They don't. Technorati should no better than to mess with someone with no estrogen, don't you think?

di: I agree! WAY too long to wait! I love the crabs idea!

Jenny McB: thank you!!!!

fourier analyst: How about all 4 tires? LOL

Crystal said...

That's ridiculous. Mine went down slightly too.

I say we sick my vicious dogs on them and leave a huge pile of their crap in a bag in his mailbox.

Wait... that's illegal, right?

The Rock Chick said...

crystal: laws take the fun out of everything, don't they?

Nicholas said...

Interesting TT. Now all I need to know is what Technorati actually is. I leave tags at the end of my postings because Typepad asks for them, but I have no idea what they do. Is it something evil?

Amy The Black said...

I'll offer you my Mother to give them a call and ask questions. She's very annoying when it comes to technical issues. I don't think she even knows what a right click is!