The Rock Chick is livid.
I’m even going to steal my friend Shelly’s favorite curse word and say it out loud. DAGNABBIT!
I have been having this on again/off again love affair with Technorati. Some days, he treats me very well and other days, well, let’s just say that today he has me tempted to drag my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four wheel drive.
All I want as a blogger is to be on his A-List. Is this so much to ask? Apparently, it is. Yesterday, my technorati authority score was 483. Only 17 links away from the A-List! Today my score was knocked down to 432. WTF?
Even more insulting is that I even tried to use my womanly charms with Technorati to push myself over that edge. I guess the “Head Nurse” costume I bought from Lover’s Lane didn’t have the desired effect. I knew I didn’t fill that thing out right.
Anyway, now I am mad. That two-timing Technorati is getting “no more rati” from The Rock Chick. It’s time to take a Louisville Slugger to both headlights.
Today is Thursday Thirteen...and here's mine...
1. I could enlist the help of Carrie Underwood, I suppose. If that girl can work that kind of wonder with a baseball bat, I’m sure she has some other good ideas.
2. I could list him on Don’t Date This.
3. An acquaintance whom I affectionately call “Internet Stacey” might be able to help me! In order to be a stay at home mom, she started her own business talking dirty and webcamming on the internet. She uses her secret identities to test the men she is dating in real life. I could get her to expose Technorati!
4. I could give him margaritas and then permanently tattoo Hanson’s logo on his arms! That would be MMMboppin’ fantastic!
5. I could send him a blow up doll with a hole in it.
6. Or I could fill the blow up doll’s mouth with Krazy Glue.
7. I could cheat on Technorati with Alexa!
8. I could buy one of those Mind Molester things that chirps at really annoying pitches and intervals. He’d be so busy trying to figure out what that was, he wouldn’t have time to mess with my authority score!
9. I could send him a computer virus, the internet's version of an STD.
10. I could drive like Martha Stewart and just chase him down with my car!
11. I could hire someone to go kick his ass! I’d have to. Technorati is a lot bigger than I am.
12. Maybe Paris Hilton could help me out. She’s popular enough with Technorati to get in the door and sleazy enough to secretly videotape their sexcapades and post it on YouTube.
13. After he’s done with Paris, I could introduce him to Lorena Bobbit. ‘Nuf said about that one!
So, tell me...what are some of your best revenge ideas?