California Dreamin'

You know how I love my celebrities! Once this whole Paris Hilton drama broke, I couldn’t get enough of the news coverage, so I immediately put my sixteen year old daughter on a plane to LAX to cover the story personally for me.
(Ok, not really!)

I did put my daughter on a plane to L.A. last Saturday along with my ex-husband, who (by the way) I think is an ass.

Actually, he is an ass. I’m sure saying “I think he’s one”, though, is less libelous, no? Hey, if it waddles like a duck...

When I married my ex-husband, I hadn’t quite yet completely developed the sociopathic sniffing techniques that I honed during our very short-lived wedded union.

While we dated, he was quite charming. He was the executive chef at the restaurant where I was working as a waitress. He worked hard, he liked to do the things that I liked to do and when I found out I was pregnant, he wanted to get married and live happily ever after.

We got along really well until our wedding day when he decided that he didn’t feel like going to our wedding reception. Seriously. It went downhill from there. Four months later, we were officially divorced, long before the baby even arrived.

He wasn’t all that interested in the baby and just popped up every few months asking if he could see her. I always said yes, because I knew in about a half hour, he’d be gone again. The last few years, though, he’s been a little more interested and does see her for an entire day here and there.

He asked me if he could take our (my) daughter to California for her sixteenth birthday present. He has a lot of family there and they are all very nice people.

I initially said no, (because he’s an ass), but then the pleading started from Oldest Daughter. Please, oh, please, oh please!

She said "Californy is the place I want to be!"
My instincts told me no. Now I say shame on me.

I know my daughter was dreaming “swimming pools and movie stars” and when I grilled him, smooth talker promised me he would take her to Disneyland and here and there and before I knew it, heck, even I wanted to go!

Apparently, my sniffing skills still need some work.

They left on Saturday morning and by Sunday night she was thinking she’d been had. All she had done so far was babysit her cousins while the adults went out to casinos. But, she was excited because they were going to Disneyland the next day. Cool, I thought. She’ll have a good time there.

She called me from Disneyland crying because all he wanted her to do was babysit the little cousins in one area so the adults could go have fun and relax. (He’s on vacation, you know.) She saw nothing and he dropped them off at home later and she ended up baby sitting while they went out again.

Today he was just too tired to take her anywhere and he just wanted her to take her cousins to the park so he could have some quiet time. He also told her that he changed his mind about sightseeing and he just wanted to hang at the house the rest of the week.

This was all sounding too familiar to me so I reminded him she’s not his hired help and perhaps it would be better if he just took her to the airport and put her on a plane back home. I talked to my daughter and she said she is fine, just bored, but she will wait until Saturday to come home as scheduled because she doesn’t want to fly alone.

So, now you’ve heard the story about a gal named Jess
Who met up with a psycho and if you couldn’t guess
She don’t even care if it totally lacks class
When he gets off that plane, she’s gonna kick his ass.

I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes.

Y’all come back now, hear?