Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Bad Girls

Warning: This post may contain some profanity. I swear, I don't know, because I haven't written it yet.

Paris Hilton was released from jail over night after serving her 23 day sentence. What a relief to see my favorite bad girl out of jail! Glad to see she can still do her catwalk and her hair seems to have grown quite a bit during her stint, too. She says she’s a changed person, then again, so did The Chicago Bears’ Tank Johnson. We’ll have to see.

I can’t get enough of the tabloids and I have been wondering why I’m so interested in these bad, bad girls. I think I found out.
There is a rating system you can do on your blog over at Mingle 2, which is technically a dating site. I have no interest at all in dating anyone but the hubby, but they do have some cool little blog things you can do.

Mingle 2 will rate your blog with standard movie ratings like “G”, “PG”, “R”, etc. I fully expected a PG-13 rating. To my surprise, I got an “NC-17” rating! No children under 17 admitted. That’s one rating short of porn, for goodness sake.

Online Dating


Here I am believing that I’m this totally nice person and this date/rate your blog website is telling me that I am a total BAD GIRL. No wonder I have a soft spot for the Britneys and Paris’ of the world! I’m apparently one of them, although, I do own my own underpants. I just want to make that clear.

Curious, I scrolled down a little farther to determine just how I had earned this “NC-17” rating. I’m thinking if I am NC-17, my kids are no longer going to movies because the ratings are f-bombed up.

Language. I got into trouble with two words on my blog. The first was “ass”. It says it appears eight times in my blog. I’m sure all are in relation to my ex-husband, too.

See, not only is it therapeutic, but saying “My ex-husband is an ass” is clear, gets the point across and is much more descriptive than “my ex-husband is a rectum” (so 4th grade!) or my ex-husband is a a long-eared, slow, patient, sure-footed domesticated mammal, Equus asinus, related to the horse, used chiefly as a beast of burden.

I’ll give him the beast and (for sure) the burden part, but the rest of it really isn’t him, either.

The other word that got me into big trouble was.....penis. (doesn’t it always?) That’s right. Penis.

Come on, people! Since when is penis a bad word? Isn’t it a body part, like arm, leg or nose? Why am I in trouble with the penis? Can I help it if what the dentist attached to my TMJ splint looks like a penis? What am I supposed to call it? Wait...never mind. I'm trying to get rid of my NC-17 rating :)

I am fond of the phrase “The Penis Gene” to describe all of the silly things men and boys seem to be genetically programmed to do. For example, spinning Scotch tape dispensers on their fingers until they fly off, striking their eyeballs like a well guided and razor sharp missile requiring females like me to transport them to the Emergency Room.

I’m not saying women don’t sometimes do these kinds of things, it’s just a phrase to describe it. Believe me, I'm an equal opportunity ranter. The Desperate Housewives have gotten their share, too.

I don't get it. If penis is a bad word, what word do men use for their penis if they, you know, have a penis problem that needs to be presented to a doctor? If you use it with the doctor, it can’t be a bad word.

My second argument is that I’ve never heard the word “penis” used in a porn movie. Paris certainly didn't use that terminology in her movie! They only use NC-17+ words in porn movies and penis isn't one of them.

I have been completely misrated by this website! I will swear to it. Ok, maybe I won't :)


This Eclectic Life said...

Maybe instead of penis, you should say "pee pee." LOL Were you hoping for a G spot? If YOU are NC-17 rated, I'm afraid to look.

The Freelance Cynic said...

Possibly try, male genitalia. That would sound so hot in porn...

maiylah said...

lol ... :D

Shannon said...

I totally agree about the ex-husband thing. I think all ex-wives, probably have NC-17 rated blogs or higher! Just because of those guys. (see, I didn't swear!).

Melissa said...

Hilarious! It's a darn good thing you didn't mention what name they give 'penis' in porn movies or you'd have reached the 'R' rating!

A christian blog that my Dh reads got a PG rating for using the word cum - even though it was meant for this purpose:

15 Cum ergo prandissent, dicit Simoni Petro Iesus: “ Simon Ioannis, diligis me plus his? ”. Dicit ei: “ Etiam, Domine, tu scis quia amo te ”. Dicit ei: “ Pasce agnos meos ”.

It means "with" or in this case, "when":

katherine. said...

my cousin recently had a daughter after two sons...she asked me what the biggest difference was (since mine are far older) I told her

"with a boy you only have to worry about one penis....with a girl you have to worry about them ALL"

Sara said...

I think I got saved from a higher rating for saying, "arse" a lot, which is the British way of saying "ass", and apparently I need to start using the word penis more as well - LOL - but it is funny to see!

FRIGGA said...

I think that site is off on its checks. It said mine was G even though I've dropped the f bomb at least once, among other things...

Jenny McB said...

LOL, Penis Gene, I hadn't heard that one, will have to use it here! We have already had the conversation at my house where my kids try to come up with all the names for penis. Gotta love the frat atmosphere called home.
Well, my site is Disney compared to your Vegas "slant".

Crystal said...

The scotch tape thing is hilarious!

Mine is PG-13 for breast, crap, and poop. POOP! Maybe I should say penis more often.