My Lips Are Sealed (Thursday Thirteen #14)

Two days ago I got my new TMJ splint from the dentist. While it’s far less bulky than my previous one, it’s still pretty obvious there's something in my mouth that shouldn't be there. My mom says it gives me “Angelina Jolie lips”. I’m sure my mother meant it as a compliment. There are, after all, people who pay big bucks for Angelina lips. I wouldn’t, but that’s just me.

I prefer my own lips.

I am feeling very self-conscious wearing the splint (I’ll get over it, I’m sure), my new lips are making me lisp and when people look at me, I can tell they are wondering “What is that thing in her mouth?”

Well, unlike Angelina, I can say with absolute certainty that it is not my brother’s tongue. (eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww!)

This is the second time in just a couple of weeks I’ve heard someone make a comparison between Angelina and me. Yes, we’ve both been married twice, we both had four kids in rapid succession and ten years ago, I did kind of look like her carrying two kids in each arm and having two more hanging on my legs. I will also agree that Brad Pitt is hot. I’m fairly certain that’s pretty much where the similarities end, though....lips, kids and thinking Brad Pitt is hot. (Not as hot as Bon Jovi, though.)

Oh, and if I had her money, then I would be out adopting orphans, too. Really.

Today is Thursday Thirteen and here’s mine.....

Thirteen WAYS ANGELINA JOLIE AND I ARE DIFFERENT 1. “Angelina Jolie” translates from French to English literally as “Pretty Little Angel”. My name (Jessica) was created by William Shakespeare for a character in The Merchant of Venice. It’s a combination of two Hebrew words, sakha, which means “to see” and Yiskah implying foresight or clairvoyance. This is a good name for me. I can usually tell what's going on with people and I see everything. Well, okay, almost everything. Maybe I'll have to limit it to things I only want to see. :) 2. I have an actual last name. I’m sure she has one, too, but I have to use mine so people don't confuse me with Jessica Simpson :) 3. Angelina and Brad have that awesome “Brangelina” nickname. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to come up with anything like that. 4. At her wedding to Jonny Lee Miller, Angelina wore black leather pants and a white shirt. She wrote Jonny Lee’s name on the back of her shirt with her own blood. I opted for the more traditional white dress and veil sans bodily fluids of any kind. 5. When she married Billy Bob Thornton, she wore a vial of his blood around her neck. Again, I chose for the more traditional wedding ring. I wanted a sapphire instead of a diamond, though. Very Princess Di of me. 6. I’m not that interested in guys who use three names, like Angelina's ex-husbands. Two is more than sufficient. Using three names has that whole very bad boy, serial killer ring to it. 7. Angelina tends to sleep with her coworkers. Male, female, married..doesn’t seem to matter. Since I work with my parents and the Human Leprechaun, Goonan, I realize my options are a little more limited but... ummmmm.......no thanks. 8. I asked my kids to think of something different between Angelina and Me, The Rock Chick. My kids have decided she is more "goth" and I am more "ghetto". I don’t even know what that means. Must be my new TMJ "grills". (That's right! I know what grills are!) 9. Angelina has lots of tattoos. I don’t have any. If I had her money and could get one removed when I got tired of it, I probably would get one. 10. I’m not a big fan of flying or heights. Angelina flies her own plane. 11. She has publicly announced her fondness for sadomasochism. I have made no such announcement yet. 12. She may have won Emmy, Screen Actors Guild and Academy Awards, but I won the “Who Leaves The Best Comments Award” at Thursday Thirteen a few months ago. 13. Finally, there is the obvious one. I am THE fabulous blogging Rock Chick and she.... is not :)

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