Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue...

...and red and teary, too! My son (due to something I like to call “The Penis Gene”) is able to take everyday household objects and turn them into dangerous weapons faster than the speed of light. Despite my 11 years of trying to teach him that you can not fly with a cape made of paper towels, that the laws of physics state that if you purposely crash your bike full speed into a curb, you will fly over the handlebars and that chairs only work when you have all four legs on a solid object like a floor, he doesn’t seem to get it.

It’s not his fault. In a tug of war between The Penis Gene and Common Sense, the first is usually victorious.

Yesterday at school he was spinning the roll of tape on his finger when (of course) it slipped off and became a projectile missile headed straight for his eye.

The school called and said he had cut his eye with a roll of Scotch tape and I should get there as soon as I could. They did sound a little stressed, but I thought he had cut an area around his eye.

When my kids were little, my son once staged a dramatic rescue scene with his Fisher Price police and firefighter people. In order to save the Fisher Price damsel in distress, the Fisher Price firefighter had to risk his own life by jumping across our entire living room. He would have made it if his helmet didn’t manage to lodge itself in Little Daughters forehead. I know from this experience that facial injuries produce a lot of blood and a lot of blood freaks people out.

When I got to school, I saw the cut. It wasn’t on the face as I’d assumed, it was actually on my son’s big, beautiful chocolate colored eye. I’m not at all a queasy person but I thought for a second I was going to hit the floor. Really.

Fortunately, it just looks worse than it is. Our favorite ER doctor says has a contusion and a huge scratch on his eye, but it is all on the white part of the eyeball. I’m told this is far less serious than if the damage had been to the colored part of the eye. A few days of antibiotic eye drops and he should be just fine.

The verdict isn’t in about me yet.